Sunday, May 31, 2015

Aty: A Woman of Contradictions

Posted: Sunday, 31 May 2015
Updated: Wednesday, 3 June 15

ATY behind Mailbox

Saturday, 30 May 15, 12:22 PM, Aty wrote: 
I apologize you for not being a qualified person you needed for your experiment.
But I don't know how you want to apologize me for what you did with my life and heart.
Saturday, 30 May 15, 2:54 PM, Aty wrote again:
I am too sad to sleep tonight, not because you tried to denigrate me in public, but because what has been broken between us; TRUST !

Who am I that you can't trust? I am nobody..Who am I that you try to attack my heart and credit like this? I am nobody..

I am a part of His soul in the shape of a simple woman who tries to help and serve people who need me around myself.

I don't want to change the world, just being a little light in the dark is a lot to me. I am not the savior, I am the server.

Finally, I will be judged by my God, not by you or anyone else. So why should I cry?

If you like to distrust me, Do that. if you like to hate me, Do that. if you enjoy to attack a woman like a mini-war you say tonight, Do that.

If it gives you comfort and the sense of authenticity by punishing me for what I don't know, Do the same !

I never intended to hurt you, but I never tried to obey you for what you wished because I am I, not you.

I just found you a shelter as a trustworthy friend for a while, that you proved tonight I made mistake. This is my mistake, not your guilt, dear Human being !

I always try to get lessen from my mistakes. And you taught me a lot. Especially tonight, Thank you.

I forgive you for your wrong knowledge of me, I forgive you for the deep pain I frequently felt due to your attitude toward me.

I forgive myself for what I did with myself during a long time.

But I will never forget this great lesson.

In the end I thank you for showing me to me in my Imam dream. I kiss your curious heart for the moments you put to teach me that story. 

I will never check your blog.

Good bye,
This is a good beginning for what I have to say about my 4-1/2 year experience of Aty. 

First of all, regarding the above two messages, what a lot of "Woe is me!" crap! Second of all, I have no apologies to give you. I have been consistent and honest with you all through the years we've known each other. You, on the other hand, have been inconsistent, disingenuous and manipulative. Third of all, I don't believe you will never check my blog nor do I believe your "Good bye". You've said that many, many times. Why should I believe this time?

But at the same time, why should I give you any more attention now? It's simple: I care about you. I care because I have seen the gem in you beyond the pathetic, whining, lamenting, unattractive ego above, that fears for its life, as well it should. So, I hope you wake up to your true self, because the voice above is a false one. 

Sunday, 31 May 2015, 4:00 PM.  Just in from Paul Ratner:
Hi Eugene, I re-edited it so now there's a new version of the film [Caveman of Atomic City].  It's not really widely available - we are sending it to festivals and setting up screenings.  I will send you a preview link and as soon as we have dvds or anything like that, I'll get that to you as well.  It's nice to hear from you!
This morning, before going to church, having written the Saturday words above, I had the strong, irresistible urge to see and talk to Mike, who lives close by. [Mike is the subject of Paul Ratner's above-mentioned documentary Caveman of Atomic City.]

I took photos of his place before knocking on his door. He was home, welcomed me in and explained that he was under house arrest by the police and could not leave. Someone unknown had reported him for something he did not do, but he could nevertheless not leave his home premises, even though they could produce no evidence of any wrong doing. That gave us a chance to talk.

Mike at home
I reminded Mike of his having stopped Birgitta and me as we were passing his house on our daily walk a few months ago to give us a package of special mushrooms from a supply he had picked in the near-by Jemez mountains. This was a new and welcome neighborly gesture from this solitary man, who had been not-so-friendly towards me for several years, after I had severely criticized his book Gravionics on Amazon Books. 

Mike's book
I also reminded him of how we had first met, which was as a result of my noticing a December 2010 ad in the local newspaper by Paul Ratner, who was looking for funding for his film documentary about Mike. I gave a small donation to the project and the day after found a note in my mailbox from Mike thanking me. This led to two stimulating 4-hour conversations with Mike about his 'Gravionics' ideas (before I read his book) and his telling me about Aty.

His story about Aty was magical. She, though on the other side of the world, had become a supporter of Ratner's project as well as a patron of Mike's book. Her entry into Mike's life was like a fairy tale and it was clear during those first conversations that Mike was much smitten by her. He also showed me the text of one of her poems on his cell phone, which reminded me of the great 12th century Persian poet Rumi. 

That was the beginning of my connection with Aty, when she replied with appreciation to a message from Mike about my comment. I told Mike yesterday (Sunday) that I'd heard the late great American poet Maya Angelou say that a poem is not complete until it is heard. That made me tell Mike that I now have a desire to hear Aty read aloud one of her poems. We'll have to work on how to accomplish this.

Mike was wistful and said that he thinks of Aty every day, but no longer has the contact with her he once had, because he promised her husband (who had called him on the phone with accusing questions) that he would cease the contact.

He told me that Aty's dreams of him are probably not much  representative of who he really is on this side of the planet. He was confident she would no doubt quickly tire of him if they had a closer, realistic relationship. I agreed and said I felt that way about my own experience of a dream of me in one of her dreams. He laughed and said, "You and Aty are much alike!" This surprised me and I thought, "Not so! This guy doesn't know anything about such things, since he doesn't allow himself to dream or, at least, is not interested in them or remembering them."

I then brought up the subject of my Amazon review of his book, Gravionics, which Aty had reacted to with indignation. She had experienced my review as if it were an attack on one of her children, since it was she, as a woman of accomplishment, means and privilege, who had made its publication possible. I reiterated that my review was not personal, but that the book was so badly written that no one pays any attention to it. To this he confessed, acknowledging that he is no writer. When I then offered to help him write a second edition, he seemed pleased. My offer would include a rigorous discussion of all his ideas and if it stood the test of my challenge, perhaps he'd have something to offer the world that he's so long dreamed about.

As we talked about his house arrest I wondered how he gets his groceries. He doesn't, he said, because he doesn't want to bother anyone and has promised God not to beg and doesn't have many friends. It became clear that he was slowly starving, alone and silent!

"OK!", I said. "Write down on my little book what you need and want. I will go to the store right now and get anything you want. It's my gift. Please don't refuse, because that will offend me." He was reluctant. "Do you have any mushrooms left in your freezer?", I asked. "Yes!", he exclaimed, saying in addition that he wondered whom he could give them to, because a new season for mushroom picking was near. "Well, give them all to me. That will be a barter for the groceries I will get for you."

Mike getting the mushrooms

"That makes me feel better", he said, smiling. On his list was lots of different kinds of meat, except chicken to which he is 'allergic'. "I haven't had meat for months or chocolate cake. I haven't been able to afford such luxuries, since I live on the edge, day to day." I was delighted to know what he really needed and wanted. And I made him promise to call me should he ever get into such a predicament again.

Next was a hug. And as we hugged I said "This is the hug that was to have happened on a certain midnight four years ago when you were to meet me under a certain nearby corner street light as a Mother's Day gift to Aty". He smiled. The day after the event that never happened I learned that Aty had a psychic gift, which convinced me she was an excellent candidate for my RPK experiment. See here for that event.

Before I left his home yesterday, after bringing him a bag of groceries, including a very large dark chocolate cake that the bakery prepared just for him, Mike asked that I take more pictures of his garden to show Aty. Here they are below:

Then, I was surprised to receive a new email from Aty, dated this morning (6/1) at 4:12 AM.

I am sending love and peace to you. I hope you are able to receive it, out of resentment, out of misery.
I am turning on the light in my prayers to see you as you truly are, out of your helmet. I am turning on the light in my prayers for you to see the beauty of your own soul that you don't need to prove it to anyone else.
If we should have met each other in this life-time, it was the same reason, to reflect each other. What we see in each other is the same flowing in us.
. My role in your life is to remind you that You are enough for yourself. You don't need anyone to believe you. And your role in my life was to show me to me in my dreams.
I am turning on the lights in my prayers that you can see a new day, a new sun. That would be "You are enough for yourself". You don't need any past or future. You are the same NOW. You are the same bliss who sees beauty in every soul, who sees His love image in every human. I am turning on the light in my prayer to help you go up from the stairs of unconditional love toward the palace of infinity. Where all peace and love rest in. Where you don't need anyone to believe you, included me, Birgitta, Joseph and all human beings. Do the same for me, my brother soul.
Let's Go up the spiral stairs, Eugene ! Let's Go up from the sacred geometry of love !
Love yourself for who you are ! Love me for whom I am ! Love all for whom they are ! And Pray for me to do the same !
Do it without recording this great Event to anyone else. A beautiful soul doesn't need to record. A beautiful soul is silent !
A beautiful soul is a surrender !
this is your own journey ALONE !
Your journey continued to reach this point. Your new re-birth ! dear brother soul ! As I am doing it ALONE ! Don't say you have already done it because we need to re-bear ourselves continously to be a live flow.
You need to be alone to bear yourself alone without any recording. You know the story of Adham..You know the story of many mystical people who left every attachment in silence !

Eugene, Leave your attachment to record everything. Leave searching in others' lives. Leave your demanding to save the world. That would be your start point for glowing your beautiful soul as I see now, And Pray for me to do the same.
Go up the stairs to detach from your ambitions. A beautiful soul doesn't need any ambition.
And Pray for me to do the same
Let's stop seeking the truth because we are the same start point for the truth. because we are the truth ourselves.
You can write to my email whenever you want, if you need. And Send your love and peace to me, if you don't need to talk. I can receive it.

This further illustrates Aty's manipulative, presumptuous attempts to control or instruct by referring to genuine aspects of her experience of herself and me. I do not like it!

And then at 10:53 AM today (6/1) she wrote a note thanking me: 

She obviously thought I'd taken down this post (which she said she would no longer read), not realizing that I was simply updating it.

Nevertheless, I like her accompanying link below:


Preview by Yahoo

 Let's practice it again and again. A new day. I will go to a holy place on Thursday just for our peace.
Aty, I'm glad you are going to that holy place. 

Now, simply be quiet. Please.



Joseph Dillard said...

Have you seen the write-up on OOBE's at Wikipedia?

Joseph Dillard said...

Hmmmm...are you not getting my comments here? Please email me if you are....

Eugene said...

No, I have not seen the OOBE write-up. Will do and then comment.

Eugene said...

Joseph, having now read the Wikipedia write-up, of course I am aware of the OOBE phenomenon. That is exactly what I realized Aty was capable of that mysterious night! In fact, I think that is how Aty discovered Mike when he was living in a cave here in Los Alamos, which is the subject of Paul Ratner's documentary "Caveman of Atomic City".