Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Caveman of Atomic City

Micromike and me
Posted: 28 December 2010: Updated: 15 January 2011

On Tuesday, 28 December 2010, I met "The Caveman of Atomic City", who calls himself "Micromike" and is passionate about "gravionics", which is his term to describe reality. We spent over two hours at my place (see photo) and another two at his, which we discovered are only two short blocks apart! Talk about strange and wonderful coincidences, we have met each other in a common space! He would call it gravionic. I would call it spiritual. Our respective goals are similar, but not identical. Both of us recognize the international significance of Los Alamos and want to make a contribution to the transformation of our community. We differ only in our approaches.

We met as a consequence of my reading a letter to the editor in the Sunday (26 Dec) edition of the local newspaper, which was written by Los Angeles film maker Paul Ratner who has made a documentary of micromike's current life and ideas here in the Atomic City. 

New Year's Day, 2011.
So much has happened since writing the above. Much of it will appear in my LADDOF blog, but one thing I wanted to add here is a promise I made myself of adding one of the stories micromike told me about his experience living in his cave on government land. It was about a visit from a hummingbird who sat on a branch of a nearby tree to listen to Mike play his recorder. That was a wonderful enough story all by itself and it reminded me of my own experience of singing with eyes closed to a purring wild bobcat in my lap in a lodge in a forest on Mount Shasta, California many decades ago. But Mike's story became even more miraculous as he continued his tale of the humming bird returning to that very same branch exactly a year later and sitting for 45 minutes without moving as Mike played his recorder again, this time offering his entire repertoire of songs. "Have you ever heard of a hummingbird sitting for so long in one place?" he asked me. Of course I hadn't. And I left my visit with the impression that that little bird would have sat on that branch even longer had Mike known any more pieces to play! :)

To be continued...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Call from London Documentary film maker

Posted:  15 December 2010; Updated: 17 December

This morning (Wednesday, 15 Dec) I returned a call from Sam, a London based documentary film maker, who called to determine my availability in February for an interview regarding a film documentary based on British historian David Stafford's book Spies Beneath BerlinHe was interested to know why I was calling so early (~0500) to which I explained I wanted to return the call well before preparing for a workshop for seniors later in the morning. He pressed to know more about the workshop and became even more interested when I mentioned its connection to an upcoming open forum regarding the legacy of Los Alamos and the Manhattan Project. Perhaps these three projects will evolve into something synergistic?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Singing for the Little Ones

Event: 17 November 2010; Updated: 20 November 2010

Eugene visits Bilingual Montessori School in White Rock
In my role as school bus driver just before Halloween, I drove two groups of Montessori kiddies to visit a pumpkin patch in a ranch near a town called Moriarty. All the kids carried a pumpkin back with them. Their teachers invited me to visit their school sometime to sing for the children.

That opportunity happened on my 77th birthday on November 17th and we all had a grand time. The kids sang "Happy Birthday" to me in both Spanish and English. I then sang pieces from three Spanish songs I still remembered as taught by a school chum almost 60 years ago when first in college. ("Solamente una vez", "Anai", "Granada") Then the kids sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Twinkle twinkle little star", and "Row, row, row your boat." A teacher from Argentina (far right in photo) sang a Hebrew song. Another teacher from Brazil (far left in photo) sang a Portuguese song. And still another teacher (out of sight) sang a Hawaiian song while swaying and describing the song's images with her fingers.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Fourth of July handclasp

Posted: 12 September 2010; Updated: 3 April 2011

Below is a CDL interview of a dream on July 4, 2010. When I awoke from this dream, it seemed a spiritual message that reversed my earlier decision not to attend the LDS Los Alamos Ward unless the spirit overrode it. I decided to attend again their early morning fast and testimony meeting. When I arrived at the church, I met a man (George J) that strongly resembled the figure in the parking lot.

Later that same Sunday, July 4, during a discussion at St. Dimitri parish with the president of the parish council, I received a miraculous cell phone call from my estranged son, Michael, of my second family, announcing the birth of his first child, a son, who would be named later after he and his wife got to know him.

IDL Interview
Date of interview:  17 September 2010

What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

1. Bringing the Los Alamos Deep Democracy Open Forum into reality.
2. Activating personal/professional website.
3. Updating the RPK website.

Tell me a dream you remember... (Or, choose a strong feeling or symptom…)

4 July 2010
Two related dreams.
a) (Earlier fragment): Have been brought to Los Alamos Ward building by wife in small car and left there while she returned home.  I had been inside the building with group of younger men (teenagers) singing in harmony and am now trying to find my car to leave, but can't find it.
CREEI score: ?+?+?-//+++/+++  Anticipatory

b) In (blue?) van in parking lot at LDS Church (looks like Los Alamos Ward) with group of LDS ex-spooks (military, CIA, FBI, etc.). Some have had psychedelic experiences.  A man comes over to van to encourage us to come into the building. I'm sitting in driver's seat and motion him to the driver's window. The man (reminds me of George J) comes over and takes my right hand, which I've extended through the window in a clasp of friendship. I say, "I'll tell you what I want and that is to do what the Lord wants." The man lets go of my hand without reflecting on what I've just said and says, "Well the Lord wants you to come into that building."
CREEI score: ++++++//+++/+++   Transformative, comforting, confirming

Why do you think that you had this life experience?
I have been attempting to develop a positive, productive relationship with the new bishop of this LDS ward. This is because of my dream of April 15, where my mother suggests involving "Del Clawson people." I believe the new bishop may be one of these. In our first meeting in his office in May 2010, he began the conversation by telling me a dream from two or three years ago that had to do with his coming to this ward.

The April 15 dream was particularly important for me because this was the first time I have dreamed of my mother since May 1965, which turned out to be a pivotal dream in my relationship with both her and the Mormon Church. In those days mother was alive. My father had died almost exactly a year earlier. The May 1965 dream, which I call Round Table Fury, presented a situation with the inner reality of her that I had been unaware of, and our outer relationship soon became negative. In the April 2010 dream this inner relationship has obviously been transformed and she suggests engaging the "Del Clawson people". This was a helpful suggestion, since Del Clawson (her first cousin whom she knew well) was a legendary conservative Republican Congressman from Southern California, who was elected seven times from a heavily black, Democratic district and who retired never having lost an election.

On Sunday, May 2, I attended a fast and testimony meeting in this ward because of having met Bishop Ian Alexander a week or two earlier, and was moved to go to the podium to tell the story of when Oscar McConkie, Jr. set me apart for a U of Utah stake mission in fall 1961 including the startling words that he spoke to me in that blessing. ["The Lord is aware of you and of the desires of your heart. He will step out of his regular pattern to bless you in an especial way. You will know of a certainty what your work is before this mission is through!"] I also told the story of being with my newly found relatives in Ukraine in 2007, having last told this very congregation about finding them in 1995 after 75 years of not knowing. What prompted me to go to the podium was having noted that the text of the opening hymn "I believe in Christ" was written by Bruce R. McConkie, Oscar's older brother and then hearing ward member and mission leader Lawry Mann's testimony about the circumstances under which Bruce R wrote the text to that hymn.

My getting up to speak was against the rules of the church, since I am an excommunicated member. But the bishop ended the meeting saying that although many church rules had been broken in that meeting (others had spoken about subjects not normally allowed), the Spirit was powerfully in the room and thus it was acceptable to the Lord.

However, in subsequent correspondence the bishop reminded me I was not to speak or take the Sacrament as long as I was in an excommunicated status. Because of that I vowed not to attend that ward again until that status had been rigorously reviewed or unless my decision was "overruled by the Spirit". I accepted this dream as the Spirit overruling that decision and again attended the fast and testimony meeting later that morning.

Furthermore, I had recently been at an IRVA (International Remote Viewing Association) conference in Las Vegas (June 18-20) for the purpose of meeting its president, an active LDS high priest and former US Army (and CIA) intelligence officer, whom I had known many years earlier.

If it were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee?
Clasp of Friendship

These are the characters in the experience…
Los Alamos Ward and parking lot. Blue van. Group of young LDS ex-spooks. George J.

If a character had something especially important to tell you, which would it be?
George J

(Character,) would you please tell me what you look like and what you are doing?
I am a 68 year old man, recently retired from the Los Alamos National Laboratory after 33 years. I was converted to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints soon after I came here to Los Alamos and at the age of 29. Before then I was agnostic. I have just been called to be the new ward mission leader. I am in good physical shape and am an enthusiastic missionary.

What do you like most about yourself in this experience? What are your strengths?
I am an energetic mission leader with the belief that the Holy Spirit is the only thing that can solve the intractable attitude currently present at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. My strengths are my commitment and determination.

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What?
I sometimes have dreams that are a trouble to me, so I ignore them. It is not a subject I value. 

If you could change this experience in any way you wanted, would you? If so, how would you change it?
I would have Eugene and his wife join the Church and become active members.

If that experience were to continue, what would happen next?
As I said, I would have Eugene and his wife Birgitta attend my Sunday School class on Gospel Essentials.

(Character,) if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
Oh, I enjoy where I am and what form I am in now. It is the perfect place for me!

(You are in this person’s dream or life experience, correct? He/she created you, right?)
Well, yes, he created me in part. I was thrilled to hear he had dreamed of me. But I have a life of my own outside of his inner world.

(Character), what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?
His enthusiasm for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her, how would you live it differently?
Well of course! He would rejoin the LDS Church.

If you could live this person’s waking life for him/her today, would you handle his/her three life issues differently? If so, how?
Actually, I don't see that his life issues are what I would choose for him at all! I suggest he begin with rejoining the LDS Church and bringing his wife with him. That would be all he need do to be in tune with the Lord and his only authorized church.

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of his/her life?
1. Rejoin the LDS Church
2. Convert his wife to the LDS Church
3. Become actively involved in the LDS Church

How would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing? And why?
Confidence: 10. I am completely in tune with the Lord and the LDS Church.
Compassion: 5. I am afraid that I am not always able to deal with others who cannot see the benefits of the LDS Church.
Wisdom: 5. I rely on the wisdom of my LDS Church leaders.
Acceptance: 4. It is hard for me to understand why other do not see that the perfect solution to their lives would be in being members of the LDS Church.
Peace of Mind: 5. As I said before, I sometimes have troubling dreams.
Witnessing: 10. I witness the Gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by the LDS Church at every opportunity I can find.

(Character,) if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different? If so, how?
Well, I would surely be different! For openers I would know better how to relate to Eugene in his fallen and alienated state. I would also be able to persuade Birgitta to come to the LDS Church.

How would this person’s life be different if he/she naturally scored high in all six of these qualities all the time?
I'm sure Eugene would become an effective Church and civic leader.

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for this person to imagine that he/she is you and act as you would?
That is something I cannot imagine at this time.

Why do you think that you are in this life experience (or dream)?
To show him that what the Lord wants for him is that he find the truth in the LDS Church.

(Dreamer,) what have you heard yourself say? (Read them over)
I have encountered an enthusiastic inner figure very much involved in the Mormon Church who can be of great service if somehow he can transform some his less developed core qualities.

If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?
Be careful whom you choose in the Mormon community to be a part of your LADDOF project. Mormons can be of great service and help, but be more discerning about who is one of the "Del Clawson people".

On September 18, 2010, Joseph Dillard, creator of the IDL methodology, wrote:
Dear Eugene,
I think this is a good summary.  You have within you true believer self-aspects that try to convince you that all your problems will be solved if you only listen to them. That's why we interview numerous self-aspects - so an internal cabal doesn't steal the agenda away from the majority of self-aspects.  The way you get leverage on this Jennings self-aspect is to ask several other previously interviewed self-aspects that you trust (internal sangha members) what they think of what he has said. 
I would also be interested in sometime seeing/reading an interview with the LDS Church itself, particularly in how it relates to other self-aspects that are not true believers, yet are high scoring.  Then I would be interested in hearing how those other self-aspects respond.
My general take is that you are not going to get cooperation from LDS minds like Jennings for projects that transcend and include Mormonism, like your Deep Democracy Open Forum, unless they see it as a way to convert others to the True Faith.  Since that is not only unlikely, but not a purpose of the group, my general tendency is to say that you are pissing into the wind on this one.
Say hello to the guys [Crystal Group] for me!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Third meeting with new LDS bishop

Event: 22 August 2010; Updated: 5 September 2010

On August 22, the Sunday after our return from Bimini, the dolphins and interviewing various of our dreams with Joseph Dillard and his IDL (Integral Deep Listening) methodology, I met again with Ian Alexander, new bishop of the Los Alamos LDS ward. This was primarily to get a reality check on my dream of him earlier in the month, before our trip to Bimini.

Joseph counselled me to come to the meeting mindful of two other self-aspect dream characters (besides Bp Alexander), which were "Hippie Woman" (a character I'd met decades earlier in an "anticipatory" dream) and "Del Clawson" (my second cousin and legendary LDS politician). Whether I took Joseph's counsel during my meeting with Bishop Alexander remains to be seen. The IDL interview aboard the Indigo near Bimini, of the August 4 dream with all these characters, can be seen here

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Swimming with dolphins

Ashley Sanders in his Dolphin House 

The Indigo
Posted: 25 August 2010; Updated: 4 September 2010

On August 7-16, Birgitta and I vacationed in the Bahamas on the boat Indigo to swim with the dolphins and to participate in Joseph Dillard's Integral Deep Listening interview process with dreams from selected passengers. Joseph and his partner and Claudia Hahm from Berlin arranged the trip. Most participants were from Germany, including a three person documentary film crew. The only other Americans were the six crew members and a couple from Ohio State University.

Grandma Birgitta jumps in
Dolphins approach swimmers
Birgitta back on board
Great Grandpa Eugene at bow of Indigo
The Dolphin House

Claudia, Birgitta and Ashley 

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Interviewing the Hippie Woman

Posted: 18 August 2010;
Updated: 5 September 2012

Braid of the Hippie Woman

Note: Psychotherapist and personal friend Dr. Joseph Dillard interviewed me about this dream aboard the boat Indigo off the coast of Bimini in the Bahama Islands in mid-August 2010.

Joseph asks:
How do you get heard by those who value doctrine over love or justice?
How do you do drama without getting caught in the Drama Triangle? (Avoiding playing the roles of victim, rescuer or persecutor)

In this interview Eugene chose to interview a [dream] character that normally would supply useful objectivity: a building. But because it was a church building, it was soon found to be exclusivist and beyond reproach. Therefore, another character needed to be interviewed, but which one? It is interesting that while the church building was itself biased and close-minded, it was able and willing to recommend a character that was transformative for this dreamer: a large (not fat), aging former-hippie woman with a long blond braid.

What are fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?

1. Getting the Deep Democracy Open Forum project going in Los Alamos
2. Completing the reconciliation process with my family
3. Getting the RPK experiment up to date

Tell me a dream you remember. It can be an old one, a repetitive dream, a nightmare, or one that you’re sure you understand.
3 August 2010, 0330. I’m in the Los Alamos Ward of the Mormon Church with Dr. Ian Alexander, its bishop [like a parish priest].  We’re not in his office [which is where I have met him twice before on a one-on-one in real life], but out in the building. Lots of people moving around. One is a very large woman with a long, blond braid hanging down at the back of her head. I say to her, “I think you were a hippie in earlier years” and everyone laughs. I have a message for Bishop Ian: The two excommunications I have had from the Mormon Church were examples of “unrighteous dominion” and therefore the Lord does not recognize them. I am using church legal language to attempt to arrange a meeting on the matter with the local high council. My message is not only to see if the Church hierarchy will acknowledge this unrighteous dominion behavior, but also to extend that acknowledgement to set an example for the larger community of Los Alamos, the site of the origin of the Atomic Bomb. If this can be done, Los Alamos might be able to transform its awesome and corrupting legacy and set an example for the world in terms of transformation. I cannot tell if the bishop understands my message because he continues being interrupted by others as we talk. He looks at a man with a vacuum cleaner who is cleaning up after a church celebration and nods approval at the cleaning up.
Why do you think that you had this dream?

I have a project I am working on in Los Alamos called “The Los Alamos Deep Democracy Open Forum.” It uses physicist/psychologist Arnold Mindell’s well-tested model of deep democracy open forums and refers to historian Garry Wills’ recent book Bomb Power, which is a new rigorous history of the Manhattan Project. Bomb Power describes the on-going corrupting consequences of that urgent, world-changing project. The dream seems to talk about where I am and why I am in Los Alamos. If that’s a grand delusion, it’s grand indeed. But it makes sense to me and gives me an enormous amount of energy and motivation.

If it were playing at a theater, what name would be on the marquee?

“The Transformation of Los Alamos”

These are the characters in the dream, beside yourself…

Los Alamos Mormon Ward House, Bishop Ian Alexander, Hippie Woman, Vacuum Man, Rug, Debris on Rug, People milling about, Los Alamos community, the Bomb.

If one character had something especially important to tell you, what would it be?

Ward House

Los Alamos Mormon Ward House

(JD: Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor? It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are this or that character in your dream and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind. If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering - that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!)

Ward House, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?

I have been built with the finest materials by inspired people to exact dimensions. I am very secure and well financed. In me is the Truth.

What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?

Security! Solidity, clarity, absoluteness, confidence.

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?

There is absolutely nothing I don’t like about myself! I have no weaknesses!

Ward House, you are in Eugene’s life experience, correct? He created you, right?

Yes and yes.

What aspect of Eugene do you represent or most closely personify?

I am his sense of very rigid clarity!

Ward House, it doesn’t sound like you are going to be able to give us much of a different perspective. Do you have a recommendation of a dream character we can interview that might be helpful?

The hippie woman!

Hippie Woman, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?

I am so pleased that you ask! No one asks me much of anything because I am so big! In this place no one wants to think about wild people. I have a very wild past that I love; they don’t like to hear about it because it scares them. I love these people, and that’s why I am here. I understand their fears and I’ve been waiting for this interview.

What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?

I love people! I accept people for who and how they are, without condemnation, with compassion! That includes their fears!

What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?

There was a time when I didn’t like myself. At this time I am so pleased with myself! I am grateful for being here! That I am this large! I am grateful that I see what I couldn’t see before! I see the fear and the rigidness, the arrogance, the blindness, and it’s OK. But that’s where the problem is.

Hippie Woman, you are in Eugene’s life experience, correct? He created you, right?


 Hippie Woman, what aspect of Eugene do you represent or most closely personify?

His love for his people, his family, his friends, his love for those who hate him and fear him. He is feeling a deep desire that they know of his love and caring, but they don’t know of this and don’t know that they don’t know that they don’t know. He is expressing his gratitude for my being in his life among them. I have taken such a strong place.

Hippie Woman, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?

No! I’m where I need to be! I am so moved that you have asked and that there are those that care.

Do you feel that Eugene is hearing you?

Yes! I am so happy to be truly heard!

(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)

Hippie Woman, how would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing? Why?

Confidence: 10. I know who I am, warts and all!
Compassion: 10. I have been through a lot. I have learned to be compassionate. It’s not been easy.
Wisdom: 10. I can’t imagine it being less than ten. When I think of wisdom, I think of meaning, I think of seeing the connectedness of all creatures and images. I think of the meaning in trees, the ocean, the sky....It makes me smile! They are what they are. They all have a place. I celebrate that place!
Acceptance: 10. We are who we are! I love it!
Inner Peace: 10. I can’t think of anything less!
Witnessing: 10. I SEE (thank God!) a grandeur of being, a grandeur of beauty, of experience, a grandeur even of blindness and rigidity. It all has its place in life!

How would Eugene’s life be different if he naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?

He wouldn’t need to react to anyone! He reacts a lot, now. He reacts a lot to the Ward House, to the leadership that inhabits and produced that building, that claims that building. He’s still in reaction to a lot of that and demanding. If he were like me he wouldn’t need to be that demanding.

How would that change his life?

He would probably dis-identify with that part of himself that is standing on top of the wall crying “repentance.” He would be joking, loving, accepting. He would just be there, wherever he was with understanding, without demands. Patient!

If you could live Eugene’s life for him, how would you live it differently?

With more patience, compassion, without demands, with humor!

If you could live Eugene’s waking life for him today, would you handle his three life issues differently? If so, how?

a. You have given him some ideas about how to bring about the Los Alamos Deep Democracy Open Forum.
b. Follow through with his remote psychokinesis experiment.
c. Bring into completion his reconciliation process with his children.

What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of Eugene’s life?

The open forum is the one I am here for, to give him a different perspective. He is challenging, but not demanding of this new Mormon leadership to bring him in front of the high council and present to them an idea that seems to be timely, that this place of Los Alamos has an opportunity to take advantage of. This gives him a new approach that he hasn't considered before.

[This brings to mind an event that occurred years ago on May 21, 1972, in the very Mormon church building where Eugene was first excommunicated (in absentia 7 years earlier). He had just come out of the “forest” where he had been for seven years and looked like a hippy. A week or two earlier he had received a telephone call in Portland from the man (Robert Perine) who had been the Laguna Ward bishop who had taken charges out against him all those years ago, whom he had not seen since. RP had learned where Eugene was from his family and had called to ask forgiveness for not understanding or listening to him back then. He confessed to Eugene that exactly three years from the date that he took out those charges against Eugene over seven years earlier, he himself was excommunicated for precisely the charges he made. He asked forgiveness and they immediately reconciled. Even though RP never returned to the Mormon Church, in his will he stipulated that Eugene be asked to sing at his funeral a song he had composed for Eugene’s voice, called “Hope”. His widow found this request in the will and flew Eugene to Newport Beach just to sing this song.]

Shortly after RP’s call, Eugene had driven down from Portland to sing at his 16-year-old daughter’s Mormon Ward in Newport Beach at her request, since she had been given the ward assignment to arrange the music for the meeting—a ward conference. [This meant that some members of the original high council that had excommunicated him would be there.] Eugene chose to sing a Negro spiritual, dressed in purple hippy clothes with long hair. After his singing the bishop was so moved that he could not speak for a long time. Shortly after Eugene left the building he began to be nagged by a weird idea about Joseph Smith. Strange as it seemed, he looked up the birth and death dates of Joseph Smith and added the age of Smith at death to Eugene’s birth date only to be surprised to discover that the date was that very day! (May 21, 1972). This shook him greatly and he began to wonder if the Holy Spirit was telling him he should return to the Mormon Church.]

In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Eugene to imagine that he is you and act as you would?

In virtually all life situations. That’s the personality he needs to carry with him in all life situations!

Hippie Woman, do you do drama? If not, why not?

Yes, but with pleasure, without anxiety, without worry. It’s fun, it brings color, it brings humor. It brings life! I can’t imagine life without drama! It would be silly!

Do you play the victim?

I can play it, but I’m not it!

Do you play the rescuer?

I can do that with great fake self-righteousness!

Do you play the persecutor!

I can do it very well! There’s a Hitler in me - a small potatoes!

What is your secret for staying out of drama?

Detachment! I can easily detach!

Why do you think that you are in Eugene’s life?

He needs me! He has forgotten me! I am there for him! He now sees me! That’s why I am so big. He has avoided seeing me before!

How is Eugene most likely to ignore what you are saying to him?

If he were a fool he would ignore me. He doesn’t want to be a fool. Actually, he IS a fool! He has been very proud of it before. Maybe he’s not so proud of it now!

What would you recommend that he do about that?

Remember the braid! (This is in contrast to a large long haired blond woman in Eugene's dream of 21 September 1965 about celebrating “the beginning of the recrystallization of the church”.)

I think Eugene had this dream because:

To get him focused at a new reference point. A new view of what he can bring to the table in his conversations with the Mormon community. It means a humanity to him that he hasn’t been so conscious of before, that he hasn’t allowed himself to be aware of, that he has been too proud to be aware of ! That he hasn’t felt was necessary before! He has been so stupid before!

I think this dream event happened or (some character) was in the dream because...

The man with the vacuum cleaner is cleaning up trivial stuff that’s what the Bishop is valuing now. He’s seeing trivial stuff getting taken care of. He doesn’t see the big picture. He’s young, well-intended, a medical doctor, just beginning his practice. He’s very confident and open and aware of being inexperienced. He’s trying to do a good job, but it’s all new to him. He has no idea of what’s coming.

Eugene, what have you heard yourself say?

That my experience and view of the Mormon Church is that the institution is rigid and insecure. It is self-contained and doesn't see the need of any outside influence. But there is a presence within it in the form of a liberated and liberating female that is very much aware of what is and what isn’t, who is there in a loving way despite that institutional self-sufficiency and spiritual conceit. The large woman part of myself has been through the woods, the ravine, the wars and survived them and thrived in spite of all this and achieved a sense of peace and wisdom and centeredness. She is good humored and doesn’t preach or attack. I’m in Los Alamos for more than just by happenstance.

If this experience were a wake-up call from the most central part of who you are, what do you think it would be saying to you?

I don’t need to be anxious or sweat consequences. Feel humor, be caring, love church authorities, family, colleagues. There isn’t anything other than that to concentrate on. As Rene Gerard once said: the first fear of two fears experienced by ecclesiastical institutions is generally “the fear of defilement”; the second is “the fear of insufficient love”, i.e., not loving well enough. That’s the fear experienced by the saints of old. If one must fear, that’s the fear to embrace—not the first kind.

Joseph Dillard sent the quote below at the end this formal interview, which I like:
Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it.Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held.Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books.Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin.Believe nothing just because someone else believes it.Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Ivan of Salt Lake City would have been 49 today

Posted: Monday, 26 July 2010

It took a text message from son Jim today to jolt my memory about what was so special about this day. This is the first time I did not automatically recall its significance as Ivan's most important day. Call it what you will, old age, preoccupation, a fading, he lives within us all, as well as near and far beyond. This is what came to mind about him today:

...So, we three went down
And shook his hand, then listened
To my struggle speaking truth to power.

My confession of my bright lost son
Evoked hot tears of hope and joy--
And grief--still seeking ways
For search and rescue
As did He of old for one lost lamb.
My first son then spoke again
Before the Man of Plan
Of scathing recent letter to his dad,
Recalling past injustice.

His father now, white-faced and chastened,
Repented low, and found new words
That healed a justice-starved breach
To set example for this Man:
Inviting him to show the truth he boasts
And ask the questions needed
To reveal the truly true...

[From Trying the Church Before the Family (Los Alamos, 24 Feb 05]

More than five years have passed since these lines were penned and Ivan has appeared to many of us more than once, most notably to Jim, bringing redemption, forgiveness and support.

Bless you, my very dear, bright son...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Meeting Stephen Betts

Posted: Saturday, 24 July 2010
Updated: Sunday, 26 July 2010
For in that day, for my sake shall the Father work a work, which shall be a great and a marvelous work among them; and there shall be among them those who will not believe it, although a man shall declare it unto them. But behold, the life of my servant shall be in my hand; therefore they shall not hurt him, although he shall be marred because of them. Yet I will heal him, for I will show unto them that my widsom is greater than the cunning of the devil. (3 Nephi 21:9-10) 
For lunch yesterday (Friday, July 23) at Quizno's I met with Stephen Betts, former LDS bishop of the Los Alamos Ward and now counselor in the Santa Fe stake presidency. I had felt his hand on my shoulder from behind in the crowded ward chapel on the Fourth of July as I was about to leave the building after fast and testimony meeting. "Welcome, Brother Kovalenko", he said. That kind, warm gesture kindled in me a desire to get to know him personally and to re-examine certain feelings and conclusions I had come to about him five years earlier. Despite those years in between, this was to be our first one-on-one conversation.

[Note: In 2005, as ward bishop and at the direction of the recently released stake president, Betts had written an official letter to my son James, then a resident of Los Alamos, who had asked that his name be taken off the roles of the LDS Church. Both my wife and I found the letter appalling and I wrote a strong rebuttal to my son for his defense and comfort, which I copied church authorities and family records.]

As I write this I recall the dream I had in the early morning of the Fourth that motivated me to change my mind about not again attending such F&T meetings unless the Spirit overruled my decision. This dream clearly seemed to be such an overruling and the dream man whose hand I had clasped in friendship now seems to resemble Stephen. (Earlier I had thought that the man resembled George Jennings, the new ward mission leader. They are both of a similar physiognomy.)

Two subjects were on my mind to discuss with Stephen as I had gathered several books, papers and other items from my library and files to bring to the meeting as reference. First, I wanted to learn his story about his family's adoption of two Ukrainian children. Second, I wanted to discuss his letter to my son James noted above, but we never got to it!

I arrived at Quizno's a few minutes early and was sitting outside at a small round table drinking lemonade when Stephen arrived on his bicycle in helmet and riding gear and parked nearby. I recognized him now as one of the guys that I would often pass on their way to work at the Los Alamos National Laboratory while I was driving a morning school bus. He is obviously fit and healthy.

After he ordered and returned with his sandwich, said a silent prayer over his food, we began by asking each other how long and under what circumstances each of us had come to Los Alamos. Stephen came to the Laboratory from the University of Illinois where he took a degree in nuclear engineering 17 (?) years ago and has been here ever since, currently with nuclear non-proliferation responsibilities. I spoke of my own background as a nuclear materials scientist in 1963-65 at General Atomic in La Jolla (close to where Stephen grew up in Escondido), my subsequent experience in Soviet-American trade in 1973-75 and as an engineering manager for Brunswick Defense in the 1980s, which three experiences had motivated a nuclear waste management group at the Lab to hire me as a consultant in 1993. That group was especially attracted to my anti-nuclear attitude, since they were attempting to deal with the anti nuclear activists in the area who were determined to shut the Lab down and believed that I could function as an effective intermediary. After that assignment became compromised in a few months, I was hired in 1994 to coordinate a joint seminar between Russian and American nuclear scientists to address a nuclear accident in 1993 at a Plutonium reprocessing plant in Siberia.

Then I asked Stephen to tell me about his adopted children. And what an amazing, surprising and deeply moving story he told! Before I could raise the subject, he told me of an early dream that began the inner guidance that helped him miraculously navigate a bureaucratic adoption nightmare. He told the story of how the family (wife and three children) desired to adopt two young Ukrainian children, a brother and sister. His caution, preparation and sensitive concern for their well-being and adjustment to a new country and culture was impressive and I felt my earlier judgment of him as a misdirected Mormon bishop begin to change.

Soon our conversation turned to my father, his escape from Ukraine in 1920 as a White Army boy soldier after the Russian Revolution, coming this country in 1922, changing his name and eventually coming west where he joined the LDS Church in Salt Lake City just before the 1929 market crash. A few years later he met and married my mother in the Phoenix Second Ward and I came along shortly thereafter in 1933, followed by my brother a year later.

This morphed into discussing my own LDS upbringing and subsequent conflicts with the ecclesiastical institution. We left our conversation with his agreement to discuss with the new stake president my desire to stand before the high council regarding past unjust institutional decisions. I was left with a new sense of hope that the above scripture was apropos and comforted that the Paraclete is guiding the conversation, especially through dreams.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


Posted: 17 July 2010

Leonardo di Capprio's newest movie, "Inception" should give dream work a new level of attention, if not credibility!  The movie is science fiction, yes, but it draws from the science fact of lucid dreaming and dream sharing. Perhaps viewers will give increased credence to Joseph Dillard's Integral Deep Listening or Dream Yoga? I'm told by Rolf Johnson, a new multi-media producer acquaintance, whom I met at the recent IRVA conference, that the subject of dreams is now a source of huge numbers of hits on the internet.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Second meeting with new LDS bishop

Event: 11 July 2010
Updated: 21 July 2010

On Sunday, July 11, I met again privately with Los Alamos Ward Bishop Ian Alexander. I had felt the need to meet with him again since our first meeting months earlier and after the May 2010 fast and testimony meeting at which I felt moved to speak.

Because one of his subsequent email comments advised me not to speak again or partake of the sacrament while under the ecclesiastical judgment of 1992, I announced my intention not to attend another such meeting unless the Spirit overruled that decision. That is exactly what happened on the morning of July 4th when I dreamed of being at an LDS ward. The date seemed wondrously symbolic.

Responding to that dream, my purpose in going to the Los Alamos Ward was to check its external reality by re-entering the ward building during its fast and testimony meeting to explore the dream brother's assertion that the Lord's will was for me to enter that building. I also wanted to determine if ward members were capable of seeing beyond their ecclesiastical box, which is what I personally believed the Lord wanted. I was also open to hear whatever else the Spirit would reveal. The clasp of friendship between the brother and me in the dream is of particular significance to me.

When Bishop Alexander and I met privately the next Sunday, I brought two books as gifts: Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Foundation and The Leader as Martial Artist by Arnold Mindell. The first book evolved from BYU Professor Terry Warner's six-week  BYU Moral Values Seminar, which I attended in early 1979. The second was a book by an old, valued and enlightened friend.

Regarding the 1979 seminar, I had had two powerful dreams, which were clearly about my experience of it. The first dream came the night before the seminar and the second the night after. Within the last two years I have learned Joseph Dillard's Dream Yoga technique of interviewing dreams, so I brought my Dream Yoga interview of the second dream with me to the second meeting as an addition to the book gift. I hope it will speak to this bishop. I called the first dream "Enemy at the Window" and the second "Disarming Hitler's Nephew".

A few days after our second meeting, I felt prompted to make him aware of a long-ago memo to the late Richard Forbath, which I'd earlier felt prompted to send after our first meeting, but had resisted. It is now posted on my Orthodox Odyssey blog for the time in October 1976 when it was written.

Note: Continually in mind in all of this is the comfort of a favorite Book of Mormon passage: 3 Ne 21: 9-10. Others may find these words as comforting. May God the Father bless them, whoever they are.

On Sunday, July 18 I wrote to Bp. Alexander:
I have desired for many years to have an opportunity to meet with the current Santa Fe stake president and high council about my 1992 Ventura stake excommunication, which I feel was unrighteous dominion. 
He replied the following day:
Thank you for meeting with me and for the wonderful conversation. I will pass on your desires to President Zollinger. I will keep you in my prayers and thank you for the reading material, it was very kind of you.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Surprise Call

Posted: Sunday, 4 July 2010
Updated: 11 Aug 14

St. Dimitri of Rostov parish

After leaving the Los Alamos ward of the LDS Church, I drove to St. Dimitri of Rostov parish to attend the fellowship after the Reader Liturgy. I had a message to deliver from our Orthodox brother Jean-Pierre, who had called me from France earlier that morning. While talking to Orthodox brother Dimitri (president of the parish council) in the church study, I received a phone call that took my breath away! Of all the calls least expected but most dearly hoped and prayed for, it was from my heretofore estranged son, Michael, calling from New York City to announce the birth of his first child, a son!

I had much to reflect on during Michael's call, all of which went unspoken. Such words seemed out of place as I heard my son's voice and his wonderful disclosure. Most of all it was the sensitive, thoughtful manner in which he honored his father by the phone call before sending out the general announcement to family and friends. This was most healing for me.

Bless you, Michael. And bless you, Mother Maris and my newest, most welcome grandson!

4 September 2013. During the above call, Michael explained that Maris and he were delaying naming the baby. They chose to wait until they got to know him better so that his name would reflect his early characteristics. The name they eventually chose was "Bodhi".

My first meeting with Bodhi was on Father's Day 2013. I had flown to Seattle at the invitation of their parents, now living their new home, to meet Bodhi face to face in a quality encounter. I'll never forget it. I was asleep on the futon prepared for me in the front room and when I opened my eyes that morning there he was standing off to the side of the bed smiling and waving. He had been waiting for me to wake.

Surprise decision reversal

Posted: Sunday, The Fourth of July, 2010
Updated: Sunday, 11 Aug 2014
The Blue Van
On May 4, 2010, I sent an email to the new Los Alamos Ward bishop Ian Alexander that I would not be attending further Fast and Testimony meetings in his ward until the 1992 excommunication decision by the Ventura stake president was either reversed or rigorously appealed or unless my decision was over ruled by the Holy Spirit. I had felt to attend that ward's meeting on May 2 after having last spoken in such a meeting 15 years earlier. It became a most irregular meeting, "breaking all the standard rules", exclaimed the new bishop at its end, "but clearly having the Spirit present made it all worth while, which is the bottom line." I had been one of those who spoke that morning, recalling an experience in 1961 where I had been set apart for a University of Utah stake mission by Oscar W. McConkie, Jr., then a member of the U of U stake presidency. I had noticed that his older brother, Bruce R, a controversial apostle, had written the text of the sacramental hymn while dying of cancer, which was sung at that morning's Sacrament meeting.

When I wrote to the bishop how much I had enjoyed the meeting, he replied that although he also enjoyed the spirit present, I was not to take the Sacrament or speak again in such a meeting so long as I was an excomunicant. That was the first time in my experience that any Church cleric had ever enforced that ecclesiastical rule. Hence, my above-mentioned emailed decision.

Well, this morning I had a dream which seemed clearly to over rule that decision! Here is the dream:

In blue van in parking lot at LDS Church (looks like Los Alamos Ward) with group of young LDS ex-spooks (military, CIA, FBI, etc.). Some have had psychedelic experiences. A man comes over to van to encourage us to come into the building. I'm sitting in driver's seat and motion him to driver's window. The man (reminds me of George Jennings) comes over and takes my right hand, which I've extended through the window in a clasp of friendship. I say, "I'll tell you what I want and that is to do what the Lord wants." The man lets go of my hand and says, "Well the Lord wants you to come into that building." 

So, I again attended the Los Alamos Ward's Fast and Testimony meeting, which began at 0900, arriving late just as the Sacrament was being passed. I waited in the ante room beside the chapel until that ordinance had been completed, waving off the young priest who offered the Sacrament emblems to me and others also waiting.

It was an unusually rich meeting and I was moved by many of those who spoke. Perhaps the most moving for me was the testimony of a young mother, who had served a mission to Bulgaria. She spoke of having been required by the mission authorities to pass out Church literature to people in the Sophia public square and encountering an old man whom she and her companion asked, "Do you know the Lord Jesus Christ?" The man stopped, grabbed her and her companion's arms and replied with great emotion something like, "Oh yes! You see, we were not permitted to express our true beliefs until very recently. It is the greatest of freedoms to speak openly of our love of the Lord." And then he walked away, leaving the two young women stunned and speechless.

After the meeting ended and I was leaving the building to attend the Liturgy at the local parish of the Orthodox Church in America, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder from behind. "Glad to see you, Brother Kovalenko", the man said. He was the former bishop of the ward, now in the stake presidency, and one of those who had given his testimony. If I remember correctly, he has adopted teenage children from Ukraine and I made a mental note to talk to him soon about his adopted children.

Next, before leaving the building, I met the new bishop to whom I'd sent that May 5th email, reminding him of it and my decision, but explaining that I'd had a dream this morning, which caused me to reverse my decision. He apologized for not replying to my earlier email and looked forward to meeting me privately next Sunday afternoon.


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Attending the 2010 IRVA conference in Las Vegas

Posted: 22 June 2010
Updated: 29 June 2010

Until this year I have avoided attending the IRVA conferences for reasons I cannot explain. But this time I felt compelled to attend for at least three reasons. The first was to reconnect with the association president, Paul H. Smith, an old friend from Sunstone Symposium days, author of Reading the Enemy's Mind (2005) and remote viewer par excellence, whom I had not seen for almost two decades. Except for our respective name tags, we would not have recognized each other. I wanted to inform him about the RPK experiment with Jack Houck. Paul was responsive to the informal RPK report and invited me to make a formal presentation in the same place at next year's conference.

See here for this year's speakers and topics plus my comments on two presentations I found the most interesting.

The second reason was to make an informal report on my on-going RPK Experiment, Phase 3 (Victoria) and meet with Victoria Alexander for strategic planning of RPK Phase 3, as well as recruit potential participants for RPK Phase 4 (Spooks). See here for the RPK Experiment.

The third and not least reason was to spend time before the conference with my second oldest grandson, Josh Johnson and his young family who live in north Las Vegas. See here for that report.

Commenting on a comment from "Anonymous"

Posted: Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Updated: Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Returning home late last night (Monday) stiff, tired and reflective, after a 12+ hour drive from Las Vegas to Los Alamos, still in the after-glow of having attended the three-day annual IRVA (International Remote Viewing Association) conference,  I found the notice below in my email inbox. My first reaction was to click the reject link, which is irreversible. 

However, after a good night's sleep and a good stretching morning walk, I changed my mind and retrieved the email notice. "Anonymous" may have something I need to consider after all. "He" is probably voicing the sentiments of others, who are less inclined to express themselves forthrightly, not the least of which is my son Michael.

Before commenting further, allow me to acknowledge "...all this other crazy stuff."   Yes! dear nameless one, my stuff is certainly "crazy"! (George Carlin comes to mind...) And though you indignantly ask, I may not be able to tell you "what's wrong" in a way you will understand. That depends on you and your intention in writing. More below.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The latest about son Michael and his "ENKervension...": 
How sad that you have to post this old letter to your son online along with all this other crazy stuff. Some old fart cop psychologist who thinks he's a lawyer helps you to justify yourself against your own family? I feel sorry for you on Father's Day. And what a jerk that you contacted Mihael's old girlfriend to see if he got the letter, what two years ago? That's creepy. What's wrong with you man? Some father you are. Glad I'm not your son. I'd be pissed. ... Posted by Anonymous to The Journey continues at June 20, 2010 10:34 PM 
Dear Anon, I'm glad you're not my son, too, since you don't seem to reflect much. Do you know my Michael? He has been "pissed" at me for over two years. Perhaps you can help bridge the impasse?! Don't pull your punches; I won't pull mine. And I would be grateful.

Thursday, June 24, 2010
Eugene said...Further comment to Anon's comment. Today (Thursday) I received a note from my friend Joseph Dillard alerting me to his newest IDL interview of a recent dream. In recent years Joseph has taught me to value dreaming identity over waking identity. You may think this further evidence of "crazy stuff", but I suggest you give him careful consideration. You might find yourself waking up to new awareness by clicking here.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010
And one more comment. About "Some old fart cop psychologist..."  You couldn't have known about Dr. Price without having read a different blog than this one, where he presented a gift to the Great Human Family Round Table.  That gift was for more than my nuclear family to which you are invited to sit if you can get by the two guardian angels and if you bring a gift of your own. Did you not understand that? Do you consider your comment a gift?  I do, but the others might not agree.