"A good rule of thumb: spend no more than 5% of your thinking and feeling in the past, in order to learn from it; spend no more than 5% of your thoughts and emotions in the future, setting your priorities, and spend at least a full 90% of your time in the here and how, with each breath, because that is where you live, where you are alive, and where you can make a difference."When I saw Joe's post, I immediately thought of the most recent letter from my oldest son, which dwells on long ago (1975) in a way that saddens, disappoints and surprises me. That he copied his siblings (except his youngest brother and his mother), their spouses and their mothers felt Absolum-like. Especially how it contrasted to the greatest Fathers' Day card I ever got from him or anyone else just 3 years ago.
Regretfully, I acknowledge now in this space, that I was not in my children's lives when they were small, as they needed me to be. I most regret not being able to rescue son Ivan in 1976, when he was living with my brother and his wife in Colorado Springs in their military household and hating it. (Although I much appreciated my brother's help, I had told Ivan I'd come to get him if the situation became intolerable).
But now is now! Ivan left us in 1996 to the family's great sorrow, but not before saying goodbye to me in a most meaningful, well-planned way, before I realized he would soon be gone. His death brought the family together for a wondrous week. During that miraculous time we were able to put our resentments, complaints and guilts aside, while we met in the harmony of true community. Nick exclaimed at the end of the week that Ivan's passing had succeeded bringing the family together. Indeed he did. In fact, he continues to visit some of us in our dreams. In my last one of him, he rescued me from a stuck and confusing situation!
All my children have long ago grown up, four of which have their own families, four of which have become grandparents many times over.
These days I am exploring a new kind of community that is only now coming into its own, which refers to itself in terms of "Exoconsciousness". I will be saying more about this in future posts and hope to share these experiences with those of my family who are willing to join me.